Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones...

Dearest Eva,

Three years ago you wouldn't have been able to drive down a dark road, knowing that your destination was a cold lonely apartment. You didn't know how to appreciate silence. You didn't know the definition of alone. Your life was a culmination of adjectives floating above your head that your grasped for -- you longed for something to define you. You were young and your heart had never been broken. You thought you knew what hate was, before you saw what hate could really breed. The fact that you have never really been a shining example of anything remains -- but you are still yourself, even if you didn't know who you were then. You thought you were a smart 17, in fact, you thought you were brilliant. You didn't understand that you were burning bridges but you were. Now, you are finally okay with being alone because you understand that there will always be silent moments. Before, you didn't know what to do with silence. You were closetly awkward. You blushed. You bottled every single negative emotion up because you thought that happiness was the only emotion people wanted to see. You bounced. You were jubilant. You believed anything people threw your way... as long as it made you feel better. You were somewhat socially aware, but you blinked the tears away. You hated self-loathers. You so badly wanted to fit in and stand out all at the same time and it was this strange hybrid that nobody ever understood, so they all gave up (not on you.. but on trying to "get" you) You were intent to stay in the same place in life, but you were not content to be a sitting duck.

You have grown, little girl and one thing remains... you have never been, are not, or will never be apologetic about the person you are. You will always cling to some belief because what else do you have in life? You have grown a home inside yourself. You finally finally feel safe with yourself.