Any minute now, my ship will be coming in...

I'm glad that the most ridiculous, worst year of my life is over. Looking back, I can't believe I acted the way I did last semester and the one before that. I can honestly say that I have matured in ways I never could've imagined. I'm okay with solitude now and that's a HUGE step for me. I'm learning to love down-time because it seems to be all I have these days. I still love people, but I'm learning to trust them less and less because in the end most of them let you down anyway. I once heard that you'll be able to count you true friends on one hand and it's totally true. I'm not even sure who composes that group of friends anymore. It seems to me that everyone induldges in finding faults in other and having feeding frenzies whenever faults are found. Yes, I'm ready to get out of E&H and move on to better things, but I've got to learn to accept my environment for the time being. No, this place isn't good for me - we discovered that a long time ago, but I've got to make the best of it. I realize I'm young and these are the crazy free days I should be savoring, but at the same time, I crave structure. I want somebody to lean on but at the same time, I want to be a strong pillar of independence. Silence isn't as scary anymore because I find comfort in knowing that in the midst of the chaos circling around me, there's a peace. I'm not thriving, but I sure as hell am surviving and that's enough right now. It's okay to be a little be broken and a lot unsure. Life is all about testing the waters until you're confident enough to totally immerse yourself in something new. I'm excited and anxious about the not so distant future of life after E&H. I'm anticipating all the new people I'll meet and the connections I'll make, but I must live with the fact that right now I am mostly alone in my current endeavor. I can do it -- I'm doing just fine.