All you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface and it's fool's gold...

Nobody ever tells you that in your 20th year of life your world gets totally shaken up. All my ideologies have been turned upside down and I'm questioning everything that's been fed into this until-now-naive brain of mine. I'm finding that it is okay to doubt abstract concepts as big as love and religion. I'm just beginning to see the world that exists out of my own realm of existence. No, I don't know what life is all about and I probably never will, but I sure as Hell can attempt it.

Recently I've learned how to hold back words that would less than benefit my best interests or my relationships with people. I've also learned that people I have previously idolized fuck up all the time. I don't claim to be virtuous or some pillar of morals, because I am far from it, but I'm sick of being around people who DO claim that and don't live up to it. I realize that as a human being, I'm going to stumble and falter at many many things in my lifetime, so why create a fascade of perfection? Moreover, I don't care if people dislike me for who I am anymore, I'm not going to change unless I see a fault in myself. Maturing has a lot to do with accepting faults and moving on.

Why do I feel so stuck? What do I do with all these new revelations?

In other news, I have to admit that I needed the gloomy gray day. Spring will get here eventually. I can't wait to feel that first perfect Spring day that annually presents itself on the campus of E&H.