If I don't say this now, I will surely break...

This weekend is going to be hard because all of a sudden I have to face the cause of the negative feelings I've been trying to purge for months. What I've discovered is that no matter how hard you try to let go of things, the only way to really get over them is to let some time pass. I don't think enough time has passed, though. I have absolutely zero desire to encounter some of the people I'm inevitably going to this weekend. It's going to be okay. I just have to remind myself how far I've come recently and how much further I have to go so I dont completely relapse. I'm finally happy with myself again and nobody's going to bring me down. I'm probably stressing over nothing, as usual. I'm going to stand defiant as I receive fake smiles and "I've missed you"s. Who knows, maybe everyone else has grown up and won't play pretend anymore either. I refuse to play nice anymore. I'll be curteous, but there's no need for anything more than that. I swear I'm not angry, just a little bit unsteady.

So, I'm still in the process of purging all this negativity, but I've been through this enough times to know that it will eventually happen. Then a new crop of negativities will grow and I'll have to wait out the season again. Life is all about cycles, and this is just one of many.

It finally hit me last night in the wee morning hours plagued with insomnia that in 3 weeks I will begin my final year of schooling. Looking back, I can't believe the experiences I've had that have brought me to this exact place. I wouldn't even recognize the girl I came to school as.