Take me to the breaking of a beautiful dawn...

What I got today was exactly what I didn't know I needed. It was my chance to say goodbye to the mountains that made me who I am. I can't believe I've taken them for granted for such a very long time. For so long, I have refused to look back at everything that shaped me. I'm learning now that maybe my roots weren't ever as planted as they should have been, but I always had enough to keep me on the ground. From California at 13 months, to West Virginia where at the age of two I almost slipped into the river, to North Carolina where I made my first best friend and began to get a concept on home to my actual home - it has all supported me. I am so thankful to have had the upbringing I did - full of love. Unconditional, uncomprehindable, immeasurable love. Where people are watching me and rooting me on. And now, I have to leave. It's my time and I have so many emotions about it, but today was the first time it hit me that I'm not going to see mountains every single day of my life. Truth be told, I am absolutely terrified for what lays ahead of me, but I've got to keep my head up.

The other day I was toning some photographs and realized that the process is similar to growing up. I watched as the blacks and grays were replaced with tones of blue. As one color slipped away, another was replacing it and all of sudden, the whole photograph was blue. Isn't that what happens? We change and we lose parts of us, but at the same time, something else is replacing that. Something greater. Something older. Something wiser. Something so much stronger than you ever thought you could be.

This past year of my life has been the best one yet. I have a family that holds me tightly enough in it's grip but loosely enough to let me go. I have two best friends, life friends. Two people who know exactly what I need even when I don't. Two people who will reach in and scoop me out of my bad decisions and the aftermath of my mistakes, but never tell me they were mistakes or bad decisions. Two people I would kill for if it needed to happen. It's so hard to let people in, because you never know what they're going to take from you and the truth is that 90% of friendships dwindle off. Katie and Stephanie... thank you for your spirit. For your beautiful genuine smiles. For your guidance. You may never know how much I love you, but I hope I'm able to show it some day. It's more than gratitude. You are both a large part of me and you are more than I ever ever expected.

Mom and Dad, I promise I'll be home. You keep telling me how proud you are of me, but there's no way I could've gotten through without you. I remember all the calls home freshman year, well... and sophomore year.. and let's face it, junior year. But, especially freshman year. It was excruciating and I wanted nothing more than to just disappear from it all. I wanted to quit so much because I was encountering people I never had before. My naive little eyes were being opened. And as much as you hated to see my hurting like that, you never said "pack your stuff, we're coming to get you." And for that, you are the best parents in the entire world. You have both been an integral part in molding me in subtle ways. You never EVER forced me to be anything you wanted me to be. You let me make every single decision for myself and learn things on my own, even if it meant missing the bus in the morning because I was intent on dressing myself. I never felt like I had to hide anything from you and I never needed a lock on my door, because you invested all your trust in me.

So, if you're wondering... I am scared to move to a new city... petrified even, but I know I can succeed. But, above succeeding, I just want to be a good person. I want to never stop crying when I see someone hurting whom I can't help. I want abounding happiness, but even when that happiness isn't there, I've had so much more than anyone needs.

To everyone who has ever been in my life: Thank you. To everyone who has ever hurt me: Thank you. To everyone who ever doubted me: Thank you. To everyone I will come across: Thank you. To you: Thank you, you have made an impact and you have made me who I am and you are beautiful for that.