I have a good heart, I just can't catch a break...

If only you knew:
the v.a.s.t. emptiness
the long distance of my actual heart to home
the pain of unwelcome and inevitable change
the regret of forgetting what's really good in this life
the ache of family seams ripping
how much I am trying to make THIS my home
and how much it's not working
how settling is a little difficult when you're 21 and none of your plans are happening as easily as you thought
how i can't find anywhere in this town to be simply and utterly alone with my thoughts
why i'm crying this unending well of weakness
why i feel completely inadequate around 99% of everyone I encounter here
why i've felt completely inadequate 99% of my life
how much I miss creating

then you'd call me. or you'd come visit. or... something.