I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it's clear...

With every second of laughter I experience, I'm regaining pieces of myself that I somehow managed to lose. That doesn't mean I'm perfectly content. It also doesn't mean I don't still feel alone. I am realizing though, that the TRUE friends I have are more than I could ever ask for in this life. I feel like I don't deserve friends like that. Lately, I simply feel like an ugly creature. I hate looking at myself... in the mornings when I look in the mirror, I just surrender.

I'm loving this alone time right now. It's the only time by myself I've had all week to sit and meditate on my thoughts. I almost feel dizzy from all that's happening around me. I'm incredibly exhausted and haven't had time to think about my defeats. I'd like to talk for a minute about the far too shakey ground I'm standing on. I vaguely remember when I had a solid foundation with which to firmly plant my feet on. I don't know where my life is going at any point in time. I wish I could press pause and evaluate everything happening around me while it was at a complete hault so that I could make decisions and see my surroundings more clearly.

I'd be lying to say I'm not scared. I'm terrified.