My defenses hit the ground and they shatter all around...

Today felt like a total failure of a day. You know the feeling of trying to keep your head above water, paddling against the riptide, trying so hard to just make one more stroke before the water takes you under? If you don't know that feeling, do you know the feeling of trying to hike against the elements... the wind blowing you in a direction you never intended, every step causing you trip? Maybe you don't know that feeling. But, do you know the feeling of realizing half the things you do are meaningless actions that will never benefit yourself or contribute to the general good of the majority? Maybe you don't, but I'm sure you know the feeling of a cold, lonely December day. Everyone does, because that's what winter is... lonely December.. and January.

I don't want a single thing for Christmas but to just be with my family. To be healthy and laughing and loving. I don't want to battle my heart agaist consumerism. I just want things to feel the way they're supposed to. I want a break away from it all. Away from yelling bosses, meaningless school exams, working retail. I feel so incredibly greedy, like I've sunken every bit of energy and money I have trying to reach some higher ground. I want people to stop lying. I want to feel genuine warmth. I want to see my loved ones glowing and blissful.

Right now, I want to sleep... for a very long day...